Thursday, February 12, 2009

The future

These days we've been making a lot of decisions, revising those decisions, scrapping them, and starting over. After deciding to happily shelve the photography business, we've had to ask ourselves - "what now?" After hours of talking, thinking, and wondering, we've gone around in several circles and decided and undecided on different outcomes for our future. Here's what we've been circling around.

1. Elisha gets a "real job" and we buy a house.
2. Elisha and Andy go travel the world.
3. Elisha and Andy start a new business that makes money.

Option 1 sounded too grown up and boring, but financially responsible. So we seriously considered that option for a while. Option 2 sounded fun and irresponsible. So we seriously considered that option for a while. Then we went back to option 1 because it was more responsible. Then we scrapped Option 1 and 2, and thought about a way to make money so that we could do both Option 1 and Option 2. New business ideas arose and we came up with a brilliant one (which we'll keep quiet for now). We then decided to do Option 3 which would open doors for Option 1 and 2 in the future.

And then, option 4 presented itself rather suddenly and unexpectedly. However, option 4 needs a little background before I reveal it to you lovely blog readers.

First, as my last post might have indicated, I've really been feeling a little "bleh" lately about everything, including God. Andy and I have talked a lot about it, and he has been feeling similarly. We've been praying and reading our bibles desperately trying to "fix" whatever is going on. And we're still stuck in this rut.

Then Andy talked with a friend who asked him what he would do if there were no restrictions on him - what he thinks woud bring fulfillment in his life and bring him joy. The first thing Andy thought of was doing was missions overseas - anywhere. When my husband, whose face was glowing when he came home, asked me what would bring me the most joy in my life and would bring me fulfillment, my answer was predictable - missions overseas.

When I said it, a little spark of joy began to bloom in my heart. I felt, for the first time in the last year or so, hope. I understood the verse when Christ said, "I will give you a hope and a future," for the first time in my life. Going from feeling spiritually "blah" to having a hope and a future ahead of me - a future that God gave to me rather than I gave to myself - made me feel alive. At first, I resisted, like I usually do with God. I made arguments like Moses did when God called him - I'm not spiritually ready. I don't have anything to offer. I don't know where we'd go and how we'd do it. I put my excuses on the table and I realized that "where God guides, He provides." I realized that I may not be ready for what God can and will do in my life, but that I'll never be ready if I stay where I am and I don't submit my life to Him entirely. Perhaps in surrending my inability to God, He'll make me more able than my own preparation could ever make me.

I think I've been wandering for the last year or two looking for my place in the world, ignoring the calling that God has put on my life. I knew when I was 11 years old that God had called me to missions. I've always felt most alive and filled with purpose when I've done missions. I have always known where I wanted to be in my life but the last year or two, I had given it up because I thought that God wouldn't want to use me - couldn't use me. And yet it seems, that maybe He does have a purpose for my life beyond simply existing. That His grace is sufficient for me, for His power is made perfect in my weakness.

So here's a toast to God's future for us - for something beyond what I could imagine. I asked God to shake my world and it looks like He's answering. I just thought it would be shaken a little differently. But then, how can we really predict how God will shake us up?

1 comment:

Carrie said...

Yeah, we seriously have a lot of catching up to do. Sorry we weren't able to connect on the 24th last month.

Any dates look open to you in the upcoming (near) future?!