Monday, July 12, 2010

Why Your Spouse is Your Soul Mate

I'm breaking away from the rules for this post because I feel like it could be a rule, but since it isn't a physical action I don't want to make it an official rule.

Why Your Spouse is Your Soul Mate:

I've seen a lot of women in marriages, especially those who have been married for a long time, who wonder if they married the right person. These questions probably spring from a variety of wells including their own expectations, Hollywood's definitions of a soul-mate, the marriages of their friends, etc. 

We fall in love with the idea of The One that Hollywood tells us is out there and who, if you should happen to meet, is the person you're supposed to be with, regardless of whether you're married to someone else or not. I never believed in soul-mates before Andy. I still don't believe in this Holly-wood style of soul-mate.

What I DO believe:

I believe that Andy is my soul-mate - the one I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. I believe that his heart and mine have joined in some cosmic place to complete the other's. I know that nothing except death can separate us and that we were destined, from before we were born, to love eachother.

And I believe that every person's Soul-Mate is the one that they are married to. When you make your vows on that altar and you promise to love them until death do you part, you have just found your soul-mate.

A soul mate isn't stomach flutters, fire-works, or goo-goo eyes. A soul-mate is the mate of your soul. If I were to give it an exact definition, I would say that your Soul-Mate is the person that God destined you to marry.

An interesting way to look at soul-mates is Elizabeth Gilbert's definition in Eat, Pray, Love:

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake....  ...A soul mates' purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master..."

— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia)

I left out a section of this quote that says that a soul mate is someone who is supposed to leave at some point because I just don't agree with that at all. But what I do think is that a soul-mate is drastically different than what we've been taught to think it is. It isn't our perfect fit, but it is God's perfect fit for us.

When we begin to see our spouse as the person that God destined us to be with, our attitude toward marriage can begin to change. When you view your spouse as the only One you are meant to be with, you begin to love them for exactly who they are and not who you think your soul-mate should be.

If you believed with every ounce of your being that you were undeniably and irrevocably married to your Soul-Mate, how would it change your life and the way you do the every day things?

Would you stop thinking about leaving? Would you start thinking about loving your Soul-Mate more? Would you devote more time and attention to them? Would you even allow the thought of being attracted to someone else to enter your mind? Would you stop trying to make them please you? Would you begin to love them exactly as God created them to be? 

Would fights be less destructive because there would never be a threat of walking out? Would arguments be more peaceful because you both are trying to resolve them gently so that your life together is more peaceful?  Would grudges disappear? Would love increase?

I think it might.

My Soul Mate:

1 comment:

Alycia Reinhart said...

I absolutely love that picture. And thank you so much for challenging me to think of my husband in this way. How simple yet life changing...