Tuesday, September 27, 2011

A Story of Grace

I hear the steady sound of breathing as my husband sleeps... His warm back is pressed against mine. The darkness of the room is deep as I lie cozy beneath the blankets, pondering what she has asked of us... of me.  She wants us to share our testimonies.  She asked us to tell how we are different now than we were before Christ.

My testimony... the words burn my heart. What testimony?  I have only known unfaithfulness in my walk with God. I have only known failure. That familiar self-hatred eats away at my heart again. You have nothing to share, the enemy lies.  You are not a different person. You'll never be like them - righteous and holy. You will never be able to share about how you are different because you aren't and will never be different. You are selfish. You are worthless. You are a failure. 

The tears fill my eyes as I listen to the liar. And yet, I hear His voice there too, whispering truth. You are my daughter.  You are forgiven.  You are washed clean. You are Mine. I have made you holy. I have given you a righteousness that is not of your own.  I love you. Your testimony is of Me.  Your story is My faithfulness.  I will never let you go. I will show you the surpassing riches of My grace so that you will be the evidence of My love.

As His words pour into my heart, banishing the enemy's lies, I listen as He tells my story the way that He has written for me.

And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness."  My testimony is one not of my own works, but of the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness towards [me] in Christ Jesus.

I grab my iPhone from the dresser next to the bed and quietly type the story that God has given me. I will share my story with these women and pray that others will see Jesus in it. I will pray that His grace to me will show others His love for them. I will tell them that I, myself, am not different;  It is Christ in me that is.

"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."  - Philippians 1:6

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