Wednesday, October 1, 2008


Gah. I'm having a bad day. A REALLY bad day. The kind of day where even losing yourself in the world of Stephanie Meyer doesn't help. The kind of day where taking a soothing relaxing bath with candles doesn't help. The kind of day where a long walk to our mailbox doesn't help. The kind of day where you still don't feel better after your mom and sister come over to try and cheer you up. Yup, I'm having that kind of day.

Why? All because I care WAY too much about people's opinions. I get that we're not perfect. I get it. I get that God loves me even though I'm not perfect. I get that life is good and being upset about silly comments from random strangers shouldn't upset my feelings of self worth. I get it. But I can't seem to let that comprehension settle into actually believing and living like I know those things. So what do I do? I sit and stew. And edit photos and stew. And blog and stew. With all this stewing, you'd think I'd have made enough to eat to feed the 5,000. And yet, all I have is an upset stomach and the inklings of an ulcer (okay, the ulcer is a bit of an exaggeration).

What's frustrating is that I can't decide whether I want to laugh at this whole situation, or cry, or punch something, or drown myself in a world of make believe, or scrub the bath tub to a sparkling shiny white. I just want to do something that will help me to stop stewing. What is more frustrating was that I thought all these stupid insecurity issues were resolving only to have them fly back as soon as someone hit the "right" nerve. The right wrong nerve. Argh.

Okay, as much as I would love to keep blogging and start trying to focus myself on something positive, I have endless editing to attend to. Not that I would probably be positive in the rest of this post anyway. I would probably just rant more. If you start a blog negatively, it's hard to bring it back to a positive note. It becomes stuck in negative land. So I'm leaving negative land - or at least I'm going to attempt to.


See, I'm already grinning.

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