365 Days with God - Day 11

I'm giving myself a challenge. Read the Bible each day for a whole year, following the ESV Study Guide 1-year plan. Each day, I will post whatever God has revealed to me in His Word, and how it is changing me. A friend of mine once said that nothing has changed her life as much as reading the bible each day - and I'm excited for how this will change me. Join me on an adventure into the heart of God - and day by day, we can learn more about who He is and what that means to us!

- Andy Catts

Day 11, December 31, 2013

Readings: Psalm 10, Genesis 11, 1 Chronicles 11, Luke 7:1-35

Tomorrow begins a new year. And each new year, thousands, perhaps millions of people, create resolutions to do something different. To make their life something more. However, there is one who needs no resolutions. Nothing that He needs to be more committed to, no laps to run or diets to maintain. You see, if I make a resolution, it's to change things. It's a statement of faith.

But our resolutions don't stick around long, do they? My faith in a diet falters when I gain a pound. My faith in my ability to run a certain distance fails when I want to sleep in. Honestly, I don't have faith in myself. I can't stick to diets, I'm not good at exercising... so I just don't make any resolutions. That way I can't break them.

Honestly, that's why I don't ask things of Jesus either. I think he's like me. I don't have faith in him to do what I ask. Often, that's because what I ask is self-centered, but I don't see it that way. But what if I spent time seeking what he wanted? What if I asked for that? And what if I had faith that he would see it through? Jesus has an encounter with a man who does just that:

After he had finished all his sayings in the hearing of the people, he entered Capernaum. Now a centurion had a servant who was sick and at the point of death, who was highly valued by him. When the centurion heard about Jesus, he sent to him elders of the Jews, asking him to come and heal his servant. And when they came to Jesus, they pleaded with him earnestly, saying, "He is worthy to have you do this for him, for he loves our nation, and he is the one who built us our synagogue." And Jesus went with them. When he was not far from the house, the centurion sent friends, saying to him, "Lord, do not trouble yourself, for I am not worthy to have you come under my roof. Therefore I did not presume to come to you. But say the word, and let my servant be healed. For I too am a man set under authority, with soldiers under me: and I say to one, 'Go,' and he goes; and to another, 'Come,' and he comes; and to my servant 'Do this,' and he does it." When Jesus heard these things, he marveled at him, and turning to the crowd that followed him, said, "I tell you, not even in Israel have I found such faith." And when those who had been sent returned to the house, they found the servant well. (Luke 7:1-10)

The centurion had faith. He knew that if Jesus had the supernatural power to heal, then he had the power to heal from a distance. He had true authority - so much more than just a title. He was not merely a prophet, a speaker of words. He spoke, and action was taken. Lives were changed. Orders were carried out. Demons fled, storms calmed, sickness healed - worlds made, universes expanded, the heavens and the earth are at his command.

Jesus needs no resolutions. He will do what he has set out to do. If I ask, and he is willing, it will happen. Nothing else in life has that certainty. There are too many variables, obstacles, unseen circumstances. So when I face challenges, troubles, misery in my life, and I return to God and His promises - I can know that He is faithful to them. That when everything else falls apart, He is in control. I must give up my illusion of control to his reality.

365 Days with God - Day 10

I'm giving myself a challenge. Read the Bible each day for a whole year, following the ESV Study Guide 1-year plan. Each day, I will post whatever God has revealed to me in His Word, and how it is changing me. A friend of mine once said that nothing has changed her life as much as reading the bible each day - and I'm excited for how this will change me. Join me on an adventure into the heart of God - and day by day, we can learn more about who He is and what that means to us!

- Andy Catts

Day 10, December 30, 2013

Readings: Psalm 9, Genesis 9:20-29, Genesis 10:1-32, 1 Chronicles 10, Luke 6:1-49

Technology has brought us an unprecedented level of personal communication. Call, text, tweet, email and more. If you're connected, there are infinite ways to get your word across. As a result, there are nearly an infinite number of people willing to share their views. Willing to share their advice, on every subject under the sun.

Some are good, some are not. Who will you listen to? More importantly, whose advice will you act on? For it's not the listening that is the danger, it's the action. If we act on bad advice, if we base our well being or the well being of others on something that is not solid, we are responsible for putting our faith and trust in something that cannot stand.

This also applies to actions we take based on something that we value. Too many things, which are good, become ultimate things. And so we take action on our ultimate things. We put our job, family, security, prestige and time above all else - and ultimately, it fails us. Our job doesn't satisfy, our family makes mistakes, we lose our savings, someone else gets the glory, and we never have enough time.

God calls us to something different. And it's really important. More important than anything else. And the beauty of it is, it's meant to be the ultimate thing. It's the only thing that can handle our dependence and deliver, 100% of the time. It's God. He's the ultimate - and He's calling us to serve Him in that way. Two passages stuck out to me today:

So Saul died for his breach of faith. He broke faith with the LORD in that he did not keep the command of the LORD, and also consulted a medium, seeking guidance. He did not seek guidance from the LORD. Therefore the LORD put him to death and turned the kingdom over to David the son of Jesse. (1st Chronicles 10:13-14)

"Why do you call me 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I tell you? Everyone who comes to me and hears my words and does them, I will show you what he is like: he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. But the one who hears and does not do them is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. When the stream broke against it, immediately it fell, and the ruin of that house was great." (Luke 6:46-49)

Jesus is the ultimate thing, the Lord we are called to follow. When storms come and break against him, he will not falter. If I asked you to name ways right now that the things you value could fail - you could easily name 5 or more weak spots. Jesus has none. My job has many. My family has many. My security has many. Jesus has none. He is the one I need to rely on, depend upon, call on for guidance. My actions should rely entirely upon him. Not because of the wrath that he would bring to bear upon me if I didn't. But because he is the only deserving, only capable, only reliable source.

365 Days with God - Day 9

I'm giving myself a challenge. Read the Bible each day for a whole year, following the ESV Study Guide 1-year plan. Each day, I will post whatever God has revealed to me in His Word, and how it is changing me. A friend of mine once said that nothing has changed her life as much as reading the bible each day - and I'm excited for how this will change me. Join me on an adventure into the heart of God - and day by day, we can learn more about who He is and what that means to us!

- Andy Catts

Day 9, December 29, 2013

Readings: Psalm 8, Genesis 8:20-22, Genesis 9:1-19, 1 Chronicles 9, Luke 5:1-39, 6:1-16

Jesus broke the rules. For someone whose "religion" has been characterized as a bunch of rules that make life no fun, Jesus sure didn't follow the rules of his day. In fact, he regularly flouted them in front of the very people who followed them the most...religiously.

But Jesus didn't break the rules for the sake of breaking them. He also didn't break them to serve himself. Jesus broke the rules to illustrate a point - and always for the sake of others. And instead of pacifying those who hated him for breaking the rules, it made them even more angry. They were so caught up in the power of the rules that they couldn't see the heart behind them. There's nothing wrong with rules. Rules help keep our lives ordered and safe. We need them, because, well, we make a lot of bad decisions. And rules help us stay in line.

But sometimes rules need to be broken. Jesus confronts the Pharisees with this truth in a very direct way:

On another Sabbath, he entered the synagogue and was teaching, and a man was there whose right hand was withered. And the scribes and Pharisees watched him, to see whether he would heal on the Sabbath, so that they might find a reason to accuse him. But he knew their thoughts, and said to the man with the withered hand, "Come and stand here." And he rose and stood there. And Jesus said to them, "I ask you, is it lawful on the Sabbath to do good or to do harm, to save life or destroy it?" And after looking around at them all he said to him, "Stretch out your hand." And he did so, and his hand was restored. But they were filled with fury and discussed with one another what they might do to Jesus. (Luke 6:6-11)

This is the stuff of legend. A man, whose hand is withered and useless, is healed in seconds, at the word of Jesus. But the Pharisees are furious instead of amazed. They look right past the miracle and immediately return to the letter of the law. No work on the Sabbath. Now, it doesn't look like Jesus had to do much work to heal this guy. "Stretch out your hand." That's it. Done. Healed. That's amazing. But the Pharisees are so caught up in their religion, they can't see the reason behind the rules.

The Sabbath was made for rest. For reflection. A time to stop being busy, to stop working at the tasks of life. Don't busy yourself with the harvesting, and the cleaning, and the everyday, mundane tasks. Take time to be with others, and to focus on who God is and what His heart is. His heart is certainly for the sick. His heart is certainly for those who need a savior. If anything, the Sabbath is a day for us to stop all the earthly work and focus on the heavenly.

What Jesus doesn't tell the Pharisees is that this "work" he's doing is just as much for their edification as for the healing of the man's hand. The religious rule followers also need his saving grace. They need to be free from the oppression that rules have made upon their lives. Earlier he says to them "The Son of Man is lord of the Sabbath." (Luke 6:5) God knows our hearts. He knows what we, and the world, need. He cares for our physical and our spiritual needs. All we need to do is follow Him. Is Jesus the Lord of your religion? Of your rules? Is your heart for the lost becoming more like His?

365 Days with God - Day 8

I'm giving myself a challenge. Read the Bible each day for a whole year, following the ESV Study Guide 1-year plan. Each day, I will post whatever God has revealed to me in His Word, and how it is changing me. A friend of mine once said that nothing has changed her life as much as reading the bible each day - and I'm excited for how this will change me. Join me on an adventure into the heart of God - and day by day, we can learn more about who He is and what that means to us!

- Andy Catts

Day 8, December 28, 2013

Readings: Psalm 7, Genesis 8:1-19, 1 Chronicles 8, Luke 4:14-44

One week out of 52 done. Such a long road to go, but so excited for what will continue to come from this dedication to the Word of God. He promises deliverance and a refuge for my soul. Amidst all the chaos of work, two small children and the rest of what life throws my way, I could use some of that. And I know that others could as well. This time with God (and know that it is not always peaceful or interruption-free!) is a reprieve. And we need God to provide us with relief.

King David calls out for rest in Psalm 7:

Oh LORD my God, in you do I take refuge;
save me from all my pursuers and deliver me,
lest like a lion they tear my soul apart,
rending it in pieces, with none to deliver. (Psalm 7:1-2)

And that reprieve for the people of Israel does come. But it doesn't come in the way they think it will, nor does it come on their time line. Surely, minor rests come from time to time. However, these are always linked to the good kings, those who follow God. When they find themselves lusting after foreign gods, they find themselves in chaos. But God is faithful through his Son:

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, 
because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. 
He has sent met to proclaim liberty to the captives
and recovering of sight to the blind,
to set at liberty those who are oppressed,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

And he rolled up the scroll and gave it back to the attendant and sat down. And the eyes of all in the synagogue were fixed on him. And he began to say to them, "Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing."  (Luke 4:18-21)

Jesus is the rest & refuge for our soul. He came to meet every need. But like King David and the Israelites, we must wait for His coming. He fulfills us on Earth, but the ultimate rest & refuge for our soul will be when He returns. In the meantime, He has called us to follow Him - to set aside our personal preferences and seek Him daily.

365 Days with God - Day 7

I'm giving myself a challenge. Read the Bible each day for a whole year, following the ESV Study Guide 1-year plan. Each day, I will post whatever God has revealed to me in His Word, and how it is changing me. A friend of mine once said that nothing has changed her life as much as reading the bible each day - and I'm excited for how this will change me. Join me on an adventure into the heart of God - and day by day, we can learn more about who He is and what that means to us!

- Andy Catts

Day 7, December 27, 2013

Readings: Psalm 6, Genesis 7, 1 Chronicles 7, Luke 3:23-38, Luke 4:1-13

Today was, admittedly, a challenging read. 3 out of the 5 passages I read were genealogies, and We all know how interesting those are. These are the sons of so and so, and so and so...and so on.

However, unlike some recent mornings, this morning I was not reading in silence. I am surrounded by my kids, noisy, hungry, bursting with life and needing us for everything. They could not survive without us. And they are happy to see us. Delighted to show me the latest drawing on the window. Smiling when I pick them up. Eager for me to read them a book.

And in the chaos of the morning, I am delighted to know that they enjoy seeing me. And when I think about the generations upon generations of children, from Adam and beyond, and knowing that God considered it important enough to have multiple books of the Bible written to record their existence - I know that God delights in us too.

I also know that as my children grow older, they won't be as excited to see me. They'll wish I wouldn't come in to wake them up. They won't beg me to read books, or smile every time they see me. But what I do want them to do, and what I want to do, is to always be excited about God. He is my heavenly father. He delights in me. He relentlessly pursues my good, even if I don't understand it. As I grow older, I should grow closer to God, instead of becoming more independent. Because I need Him more, not less,  every day.

And I think that's what this whole 365 days with God is about. Because every day, I read His word. Every day, I ponder what He is saying to me with those words, and how I can change my life accordingly to become more dependent upon Him. 

365 Days with God - Day 6

I'm giving myself a challenge. Read the Bible each day for a whole year, following the ESV Study Guide 1-year plan. Each day, I will post whatever God has revealed to me in His Word, and how it is changing me. A friend of mine once said that nothing has changed her life as much as reading the bible each day - and I'm excited for how this will change me. Join me on an adventure into the heart of God - and day by day, we can learn more about who He is and what that means to us!

- Andy Catts

Day 6, December 26, 2013
Readings: Psalm 5, Genesis 6, 1 Chronicles 6, Luke 3:1-22

My firstborn child is outspoken. Anyone who has met her knows this - she's not afraid to say what she wants and what she's thinking. Often she is kind, generous and loving to everyone she knows. Often, however, she is also forceful, rude and defiant. I, of course, love it when she is kind, generous and loving - what parent wouldn't?

But I am also coming to appreciate the less pleasant outpourings of her heart. Not for how they make me feel, or for her attitude behind them. But I am thankful for her outspoken nature because it gives me a picture into her heart - to know exactly what she is thinking. I do not have to wonder if she is faking it. And I believe that God calls us to do the same in introspection. To look at our own hearts and seek out the truth within - and ask God to bring us to a place of sorrow and repentance. Where He can change our hearts.

John the Baptist, when beginning his ministry says as much to the Pharisees. They come out to the spectacle of the man clothed in camel's hair, calling to the crowds. Perhaps he is a prophet - and perhaps they should listen to him. If there's something God wants to add to their righteous routine, John might know what it is. But instead, John calls them out - for their heart, not their righteous actions.

He said therefore to the crowds that came out to be baptized by him, "You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the wrath to come? Bear fruits in keeping with repentance. And do not begin to say to yourselves 'We have Abraham as our father.' For I tell you, God is able from these stones to raise up children for Abraham. Even now the axe is laid to the root of the trees. Every tree therefore that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire." (Luke 3:7-9)

I am thankful that my child is so outspoken because the changes brought about in her bear good fruit. She does not pretend at righteousness, or do things just because she wants to avoid our wrath. And there is much I can learn from her example. The goal of any good behavior on my part should be for repentance - not merely behavior modification. There is a time for obedience, doing a deed because God calls me to do so. But the overall goal should be for a repentant heart - so that in the future, my heart longs to do good, rather than doing good by obedience.

And this, of course, is what God wants for all of us - and I want for my children. I want them to do the right thing because they have a changed heart - not for my approval, or anyone's approval. I want them to desire good. So when I consider what I will do, how I will serve, how I will respond, and how I discipline my heart and mind - I must ask: Am I working towards bearing fruit that is of a repentant heart?

365 Days with God - Day 5

I'm giving myself a challenge. Read the Bible each day for a whole year, following the ESV Study Guide 1-year plan. Each day, I will post whatever God has revealed to me in His Word, and how it is changing me. A friend of mine once said that nothing has changed her life as much as reading the bible each day - and I'm excited for how this will change me. Join me on an adventure into the heart of God - and day by day, we can learn more about who He is and what that means to us!

- Andy Catts

Day 5, December 25, 2013
Readings: Psalm 4, Genesis 5, 1 Chronicles 5, Luke 2:22-52

Merry Christmas! I consider it providential, not coincidental, that I found myself reading Luke 2 on Christmas Eve & Christmas Day. However, what struck me most was found from David's words nearly one thousand years before Christ.

The Psalmist writes:

O Men, How long shall my honor be turned to shame?
How long will you love vain words and seek after lies?
But know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself;
the LORD hears when I call to him.  (Psalm 4:2-3)

Christmas this year was mayhem. Plain and simple. Children shrieking, crying, tears of joy becoming tears of agony in an instant as one gift was suddenly trash when another child opened a more desirable gift. This was not my idea of a God-honoring, Christ-centered Christmas. There we were, in all of our sinful nature, turning the Lord's honor, the day celebrating the beginning of his rescue of our eternity, into shame.

How long will we love pretty, shallow things that never satisfy? How long will we chase the lie that what this world offers is the best? That we should fight tooth and nail for every last crumb (or princess dress?) Every ad I have heard or seen this year centers around getting the perfect gift, having what you want, making your life here, on earth, perfect.

And the horrible lie is that it could come true. This world will never be perfect. We will never have everything we want, whether it's personal possessions, relationships, security or peace without Jesus.

But once we have him, the rest is irrelevant. We won't need stuff, because He has given us everything. We'll have the most important relationship, and our others will grow because of it. We'll have security, because He is the only hope we have. And finally, we will have peace, because He is the Prince of Peace - who has come to wipe away every tear from every eye.

On this Christmas day, I'm calling out to the LORD. I'm asking that He grow my heavenly treasure as I give away what I have here. I'm asking him to increase my love for Him and for others, so that I can serve those in need. I'm asking that I will have security in Him, rather than anything on earth. And I'm asking for peace amidst the chaos. That sounds like the kind of Christmas gift that I need.

365 Days with God - Day 4

I'm giving myself a challenge. Read the Bible each day for a whole year, following the ESV Study Guide 1-year plan. Each day, I will post whatever God has revealed to me in His Word, and how it is changing me. A friend of mine once said that nothing has changed her life as much as reading the bible each day - and I'm excited for how this will change me. Join me on an adventure into the heart of God - and day by day, we can learn more about who He is and what that means to us!

- Andy Catts

Day 4, December 24, 2013
Readings: Psalm 3, Genesis 4, 1 Chronicles 4, Luke 2:1-21

Much has been made, and much has been written, of the birth of Jesus Christ. This is fitting, as I believe that it is the most important birth the world has ever known.

However, it is as strange as it is marvelous. Born to a teen mom amidst community turmoil and probable judgement from their families. Born not in a place made for human habitation. Surrounded not by family and friends, but by animals. Having been through two childbirths, I cannot imagine this setting. How scared are Joseph and Mary? There is no midwife, no doctor, nobody assuring them that everything will be alright.

And who comes to congratulate them? Who is sent to welcome this King into the world? Shepherds. Stinky, societal outcasts who do not share in the community, but live on the outskirts.

I believe this is intentional - and a message to the reader. One, as demonstrated time and time again, God does not need human intervention to make His plans happen. Two, God does not believe in making outcasts, He includes them. Everyone in this story would be an outcast to the people of the day.

He has come. He has invited those that no one else would invite. He reaches the world through the unlikely and the unloved. And He continues to do that throughout His ministry, and has asked us to do the same.

365 Days with God - Day 3

I'm giving myself a challenge. Read the Bible each day for a whole year, following the ESV Study Guide 1-year plan. Each day, I will post whatever God has revealed to me in His Word, and how it is changing me. A friend of mine once said that nothing has changed her life as much as reading the bible each day - and I'm excited for how this will change me. Join me on an adventure into the heart of God - and day by day, we can learn more about who He is and what that means to us!

- Andy Catts

Day 3, December 23, 2013
Readings: Psalm 2, Genesis 3, 1 Chronicles 3, Luke 1:57-80

 In light of recent happenings, I will refrain from posting yet another opinion on Duck Dynasty and the brouhaha surrounding it. However, it reminds me of a challenge that I face as a member of the human race: the desire for control of my own destiny.

I desire to control where I go, what I do, who I love - the list goes on and on. As an American, I am frequently told that I have no boundaries - the sky is the limit. And so we live, feeling as if we have the freedom to be unrestrained, unencumbered and not responsible.

This could not be further from the truth.

No matter the power we have, the wealth we amass, or any other factor - we are ultimately held responsible for our decisions. Two passages stand out to me this morning:

Then the Lord God said, “Behold, the man has become like one of us in knowing good and evil. Now, lest he reach out his hand and take also of the tree of life and eat, and live forever—” therefore the Lord God sent him out from the garden of Eden to work the ground from which he was taken. Genesis 3: 22-23

¹⁰ Now therefore, O kings, be wise;
    be warned, O rulers of the earth.
¹¹ Serve the Lord with fear,
    and rejoice with trembling.
¹² Kiss the Son,
    lest he be angry, and you perish in the way,
    for his wrath is quickly kindled.
Blessed are all who take refuge in him.

Psalm 2: 10-12

Our actions have lead to our toil. Working the ground is the consequence of sin, not the punishment for it. Our knowledge of good and evil is what has dragged us down. While we feel like gods, full of freedom, we are chained and bound by our supposed freedom.

But the second passage asks - what will you do with your freedom?

Those of us in the US are, by a majority, kings. We are free. We are wealthy. If you are at the poverty line in the US - $23,000 per year for a family of 4, you are richer than 98.65% of the world. We are kings.

But we are called to be wise. What am I doing with my wealth? Do I take refuge in the Lord? Do I serve the Lord, or do I serve myself?

I will be held responsible for my actions - and I am a king on earth, called to be wise. Am I?

365 Days with God - Day 2

I'm giving myself a challenge. Read the Bible each day for a whole year, following the ESV Study Guide 1-year plan. Each day, I will post whatever God has revealed to me in His Word, and how it is changing me. A friend of mine once said that nothing has changed her life as much as reading the bible each day - and I'm excited for how this will change me. Join me on an adventure into the heart of God - and day by day, we can learn more about who He is and what that means to us!

- Andy Catts

Day 2, December 22, 2013
Readings: Psalm 1, Genesis 2, 1 Chronicles 2, Luke 1:26-56

Still sick. Remembering Ecclesiastes from yesterday. Being grateful that God has granted me the grace to learn from this, instead of wallowing in my self-pity. And so, when my wonderful firstborn daughter woke me from what little sleep I got last at 6:30, I resolved to keep reading. To see what God had for me this morning. And to not pass off my commitment to Him because of some lame excuse.

But right now, I'm not really sure how I'm doing this. I'm trying to keep my 2 1/2 year old from tearing the house apart, waking my wife, and generally causing mayhem. My 6-month old is balanced on one knee as I type, and I'm trying to keep her from face-planting into the keyboard. What am I doing? How is this possible?

Many in the Bible have asked that same question. But the key is in the response they gave to God's (seemingly) crazy requests. Today, Mary's response in Luke 1 stood out to me:

"And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. And the Lord God will give to him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end."

And Mary said to the angel, "How will this be, since I am a virgin?" Luke 1: 31-34

This stands in stark contrast to most of my questions to God, and many others in the Bible. I often ask why, when, what...and I doubt. Mary, however, has no doubt. She has accepted that God will do this - she merely asks how. So much is contained in that one word. It speaks volumes in three letters. She trusts that God will do what He says he will do - and asks how.

How will God work in her life for the good of His people? He has just told her that she will bear the savior of Israel, nay, the world. She, and countless others, have waited for this day for thousands of years. This is, to put it lightly, legendary. But she does not waver. She merely asks "How." What is her role in His plan?

So now I must ask, when God calls me to action: "How?" Not my normal who/what/when/where/why! But how. Trusting that God will provide the answers to the rest - but how can I put myself at His disposal. He is my king, and I his servant.

365 Days with God - Day 1

I'm giving myself a challenge. Read the Bible each day for a whole year, following the ESV Study Guide 1-year plan. Each day, I will post whatever God has revealed to me in His Word, and how it is changing me. A friend of mine once said that nothing has changed her life as much as reading the bible each day - and I'm excited for how this will change me. Join me on an adventure into the heart of God - and day by day, we can learn more about who He is and what that means to us!

- Andy Catts

Day 1, December 21, 2013
Readings: Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, Genesis 1, 1 Chronicles 1, Luke 1:1-25

Today, Ecclesiastes is what hit home. I had slept hardly at all the night before, due to a sinus infection. No medicine, because in Oregon, sudafed is a prescription drug thanks to meth cooks, and I did not have a prescription yet. So, I was miserable. And I despise being sick. I feel useless, helpless, and cranky - and assume that everyone else is viewing me as useless and burdensome. Not a great recipe for a happy morning.

However, this prompted me to begin this reading plan thing. Something I have hemmed and hawed over since I was challenged by Jeff, the pastor at my church. And so, on the couch at six-thirty in the morning on a Saturday, the first words I read are:

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1 (ESV)

There's a time for me to be sick. While I hate every minute of it, there is a time for it. And this is the time. I probably wouldn't have started this whole thing if I hadn't been sick. At least not the way I did. I may not even have started writing about it, given that as I type this, I'm still sick (FYI, it's now Sunday morning, I didn't get the idea to write until now.)

So this time of being sick, has caused good things. Do I want to be sick? No. Am I grateful that God is using this to shape me? Grow me? Change me into the person He wants me to be? Absolutely. As I go forward through this next 365 days, I must remember that there is a time for every matter under heaven. And so I must look for the purposes of God in everything I experience, good, bad and ugly. And take joy in His teaching. Will you do the same?

Adventures in Writing #4 - {On Prayer}

Tuesday Thoughts is where I pick a topic that’s on my mind, set a timer, start with “Go”, write about it for five minutes, and end with “Done”. Editing is non-existent and I am grateful for that since I can spend hours fine-tuning and agonizing over a post.  Even writing this paragraph, I've written and rewritten it about five times, sent it to my hubby to edit, rewritten it, and am still debating whether it's acceptable.

In this exercise, I am enjoying the freedom to just write, without stressing about perfection or what others might think. This is my lovelimess after all.

....

(This particular post was written several months ago when I wasn't blogging, but just enjoying writing for its own sake. Since then, we've gone through several more cars. Just in case you were wondering.)

(Andy's "small" collection of Toyota MR2s from back in the day)

Go

Our old car murmurs in the background as we drive.  This car is the newest in the series of junkers we've gone through, but I like this one. Old leather seats, worn and ripping, mould themselves around you, and the windshield has a few battle cracks. Our iPhone plays worship songs quietly in the background as we drive and chat.

"What am I supposed to be doing with my life?" he asks as we drive along. Today has been a hard day, full of things gone wrong, complacency that eats away at your motivation, and a creeping sickness that we're both sniffling away at.

"Have you prayed about it?" I ask quietly, hoping he knows I care.

"I'm not good at that."

"At praying?"  I know he hates praying in public - it feels so forced sometimes.

"Yeah. At praying. I just don't know what to say. I feel like I'm always saying what I think other people want me to say, instead of having a conversation with God. I just don't know how to pray like that."

My mind whirrs.  How does one pray?  My bible study on Discerning the Voice of God by Priscilla Shirer runs through my head in clips and flashes.  How do I pray? I ask myself.

"Start with the truth. Tell God you don't know what to say or how to pray and ask Him to teach you."   It's what I did several years ago and only now am I realizing that God has been answering that prayer. I am learning to pray.

It didn't start with a sudden revelation or even some great new understanding about how to pray. I just talked to God and I told Him the truth.

I don't understand You. I don't know how to talk to You. Sometimes I feel irreverent. I know I'm in the presence of the God of the Universe, and I don't know what to say.

And then He began to change my prayers and as He did, he has begun to change me. But then I suppose that talking with the Creator of the universe is bound to leave an impression on a person. I think about those early days and I thank God for what He is doing in me. Even this week, God has been peeling back another layer of pride in my life and teaching me about humility in prayer.

As the car moves forward, we move with it, into uncharted territories of the holy, bringing our limited perspectives to the Omniscient and asking for grace as we press in to know Him more.  

Done

Adventures in Writing #3 - {Home}

Tuesday Thoughts is where I pick a topic that’s on my mind, set a timer, start with “Go”, write about it for five minutes, and end with “Done”. Editing is non-existent and I am grateful for that since I can spend hours fine-tuning and agonizing over a post.  Even writing this paragraph, I've written and rewritten it about five times, sent it to my hubby to edit, rewritten it, and am still debating whether it's acceptable.

In this exercise, I am enjoying the freedom to just write, without stressing about perfection or what others might think. This is my lovelimess after all.

....

(This post was written last January after we had moved into our old little farm home. The front door now allows guests, but our friends are more like family and they all come in through the laundry room anyway.)

(Andy and Isabel 2013)

Go

The pellet stove is burning warmly, chasing away the bitter chill of this drafty old house. We’ve been here for a month now and have experienced life without a dishwasher or any heating besides the little pellet stove in the corner. We’ve left a house with four bedrooms (that we barely used), new appliances that did amazing things, arching ceilings, and everything suburbia offers, and moved into this little 127 year-old dilapidated home full of ladybugs, sloping floors and holed ceilings.

And the most incredible part of it all? I love it.

I love it more than I loved our “perfect” suburban home with my huge bathtub and walk-in closet.  

In this old charmer, I walk in and I feel at home. Sure, the floor is a little slopey and, yes, you do have to come in through the laundry room, but every day here feels like home.

The wall in the laundry room has hash-marks where Andy was measured as a child - where we’ll measure Isabel next to her papa.  The living room is small and warm and cozy and pulls me in to linger there, cozying up beneath blankets listening to the fire flicker in the pellet stove.  The chill of our bedroom encourages snuggling beneath covers as we laugh to keep warm together.   Isabel crawls around and can go anywhere in the house unhindered and she loves this new freedom.

Life here isn’t full of perfection, but it is so full of joy that it feels like our little home will burst with it.

Done.

5 Things I've Learned From My Mom

I've learned more from my mom than can easily be summarized in five points. In fact, this post has been incredibly difficult to write because I am having a hard time choosing just five things.   She is my best friend, my person I go to when I'm crying and sobbing and can't handle life, she's the person I call when I'm most excited, and the person who has always believed the best of me - even when I didn't deserve it. I love you mom.

1.  Deep conversations are the best conversations

Whether by example, or the fact that our personalities are similar, I've found that I have an intolerance for casual conversation. I want the heart and life and the soul of a conversation and I'd rather skip over the pleasantries altogether to just speak and hear about what matters. I remember whenever I'd come home from school or camp, my mom would start with the best questions and listen and listen and before I knew it, I was pouring out heart and soul, sharing everything that mattered and my thoughts and feelings and struggles and disappointments and dreams...  Maybe because she modeled these conversations in our home or maybe because she always valued the sharing of the heart that I find that I do too.

2. Beauty matters

My mom modeled for me that beauty matters.  Both the unfading beauty that is buried inside and the exterior beauty that the world sees have value.  She taught me that caring for yourself means becoming a person of integrity and character while still valuing and caring for the physical body that God has given. So every morning, we'd chat in her bathroom, smearing makeup, laughing together, blow drying hair, talking about life, and preparing our physical selves to go out into the world. While she also invested hours and years into caring for our character, our inner strength, and our love for God. And when I look at my mom now, I see Beauty shine from her, an inner beauty that flows outward and glows just behind her physical beauty, illuminating my life and the world around her.

3. Children are a gift from God

I know they are. I do. But sometimes it is so hard for me to see past the moment into who these little people are becoming. But my mom does. She sees it so clearly sometimes that I can't help but want her glasses over my eyes helping me see them with the clarity that she has.  I love my children, but I forget that every moment-becomes-a-day-becomes-a-week-becomes-a-lifetime... And then they are grown and gone. I forget, but she remembers. And I need that.

4. Everyone is interesting

I'll admit it. I might assume things about people before I really KNOW them. I might think a person has nothing I might be interested in hearing, but then I watch my mom talk to someone and before I know it, their struggles and hopes are laid out on the table and tears are flowing and hugs are being given and new friendships are forged. And I stand there gaping like a fish out of water wondering how she does it -  how she truly cares about every person that she meets... I want to be like that.

5. Memories are worth making and keeping

"If my house was burning down and I could only save one thing - I'd save my photos."  This was said countless times around our home and now I realize why. My mom values memories. She has invested years into our lives and the lives of others and, at the end, all that is left on this earth are memories and relationships. Both are worth cherishing.

Who knew?

What have you learned from your mom?

Adventures in Writing #2 - {Running}

Tuesday Thoughts is where I pick a topic that’s on my mind, set a timer, start with “Go”, write about it for five minutes, and end with “Done”. Editing is non-existent and I am grateful for that since I can spend hours fine-tuning and agonizing over a post.  Even writing this paragraph, I've written and rewritten it about five times, sent it to my hubby to edit, rewritten it, and am still debating whether it's acceptable.

In this exercise, I am enjoying the freedom to just write, without stressing about perfection or what others might think. This is my lovelimess after all.

...

(Going running for the first time after Melody was born.)

Go.

My feet pound against the ground. Shudders climb my legs as I propel one foot in front of the next. Run. Run. Run.

Breath pounds in my lungs, an aching clawing pain, but my feet keep moving and my brain prods my body to push itself just a little farther. A couple feet longer.

My legs slow and I walk, breathing steadier, but feeling the ache of the run in my legs, in my knees, in my heart. Training is hard. It sucks your breath away, makes your heart beat, strips you of weakness and leaves strength in its place. It makes me want to vomit, it makes my body burn, and it hurts.

I'm enough for you. He whispers it in the wind on the road. And I know it's true. He's been enough through each push and pull, each need from little hands or mouths. He's been enough for the brokenness in the world around me. And, always, again, He is enough for me.

So I keep running. Putting one foot in front of the other.

I know what waits at the end of the race and so I keep pressing on. Pushing my body past it’s limits into the realm of His strength. And I feel my lungs fill with breath that is not my own and my body propelled by His power. The running, it hurts and it burns, but it is sweet too.

Done.

 

Adventures in Faith - {Washed}

I hate this. I’m sitting at my computer again begging God to change His mind. He’s been clear and I keep pushing, arguing, bartering, and asking for another way.

Unlike Jesus, who bowed before His Father and said, “Your will be done,” I keep dancing around the issue and asking for my will be done. Even as I type these words, disobedience flares in sparks of the heart. I’m tiptoeing around the line He’s drawn in the sand, wondering if He really means it.

But He’s drawn the line and I’m fixated on it.  I’m trying to hold his hand and walk away at the same time. I want to cross the line, blur it, change it, make it optional. I want my will be done.

But I yield. 

Once again, as I submerse myself in the soothing waters of our old tub, He speaks. It's here I’m baptized in repentance and submission.  In my tiny echoing bathroom, He speaks the loudest, breaking through the chaos of my desires and the pushes of my heart. 

It’s my cleft in the rock, like the man named Moses who saw the back of God: this simple bathroom where the Holy One passes by.

Or maybe, like Elijah who heard the Lord in a still small whisper, it is here in this humble place that I really listen.

“Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind, there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” 1 Kings 19:11-13

I am standing before a Holy God who is asking me what I’m doing there and I want to have an answer that is BIG and mighty, like the grandeur of the elements, but I can barely choke out a response and I can only cover my face. My little rebellion seems so petty in light of all He is.

I’m here to follow You. I'll give it all if it means having You. It's not what I say, but it is what I want. Truth be told, I'm still arguing with God there in that ancient fiberglass bathtub. I'm struggling to hang on to what I want; grasping at the dreams and plans I've built for myself.

But He's come not seeking what is mine, but me. He isn’t settling for my “good deeds” or my pathetic offerings, He is asking for it all. And I know I can’t hold it back, not for a second nor a year.

As I plunge beneath the waters in our old tub, I’m washing away resistance and the grime of my stubborn rebellion - an appeal to God for a good conscience through the resurrection of Jesus Christ - and I pull myself up and out, washed in the water of His word.

This cleansing is just the beginning, so I towel off, get ready, and start the day. Because after the washing, the work begins.

“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Christ Jesus, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from every lawless deed, and to purify for Himself a people for His own possession, eager to do good works.”  Titus 2:11-14

© Elisha Catts - Willamette Christian Church Baptism

(Scripture quoted/paraphrased/referenced: Luke 22:42 - Your will be done, Exodus 33 - Moses sees God's back, 1 Kings 19 - Elijah hears God whisper, 1 Peter 3:21 - "...appeal to God for a good conscience...", 2nd Corinthians 2:14 - "...seek not what is yours, but you...", Titus 2:11-14)